Harry Potter and the Livejournal
by Raquel Williams
Summary: When the Harry Potter characters get their very own livejournals, mayhem ensues! Filch gets pranked, there's romance for Remus, Malfoy runs off to Daddy, Luna looks for Snorcacks while Dobby searches for socks, and much much more!
1. James's Diary

**Disclaimer**: Characters and any recognisable trademarks belong to JKRowling. All hail the mighty JKR!

**Author's Note**: This story may come from a deranged mind, but hopefully it's enjoyable! Review if you like it.

Set after exams in Order of the Phoenix; Lily/James lovehate.

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James's Diary

Screenname: EvansBmine

Mood: Sad

Hi journal,

We had exams today. What a snore, right? I'm pretty sure I aced the DADA one and probably the others as well, if I do say so myself. They were so simple this year. But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

As usual, what I wanted to talk about was Evans. I was just having a bit of... innocent fun with Snivel- I mean Severus, and she came along and ruined it. Then I asked her out again and she said she'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than me! You hear that, the giant squid! Why does she hate me so much?

Don't bother answering that. She told me, and I quote, "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've jut got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can, I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it, you make me SICK." and then walked away.

So I make her sick. How wonderful (note the sarcasm). I bet she just hates me because I set those Bowtruckles on her in first year. I swear I didn't really know how dangerous angry Bowtruckles could be. I suppose I'll just have to use my incredible skills to charm her.

Speaking of which, I've got to go to Quidditch Practice. Hmm, maybe Quidditch will impress her...

James

(1Comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: PotterMakesMeSick

I can't believe you, Potter. Honestly, innocent fun with Severus? You were practically torturing him! And those Bowtruckles had sharp claws, I still have the scars... And what incredible skill may I ask? I hate Quidditch. So there.

Sincerely,

Lily Evans

PS: Leave me Alone!


	2. Lily's Diary

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill; I don't own anything you recognise.

**Author's Note**: Thanks for all the lovely reviews, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Set after exams in Order of the Phoenix; Lily/James lovehate.

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Lily's Diary

Screenname: PotterMakesMeSick

Mood: Fuming

Okay, diary, prepare for what's coming, because I am so angry today!

Three guesses why! Stupid Potter and his stupid pratty friends were torturing Severus today. _Again_. Honestly, will they ever stop? They wouldn't even listen to me, a Prefect! When I told them to stop, Potter had the nerve to ask me out! Can you believe him?

Why does he keep on asking me out? I don't know why I let him get to me so much, he's just, uuurrgggghhhh! Thanks to him I have no pillow left, I was punching it pretending it was his big fat head (It's definitely the right size)… I better clean up the feathers...

Sincerely,

Lily Evans

(2 Comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Siriuslyme

Hullo Evans, it is I, the wonderful Sirius Black, here to comment on your journal, mere mortal. I do not appreciate being called 'Stupid' or 'Pratty' by a person who hardly even knows me, but coming from you it's not much of a surprise. I honestly don't know what James sees in you. Maybe he gets to you because you like him?

After all, you mentioned him and bedding equipment in the same sentence and that must count for something (wiggles eyebrows suggestively). Good luck with those feathers (snort).

The wonderful Siriuslyme

Screename: EvansBmine

Hello Evans, it's me, the 'Stupid' and 'Pratty' Potter. Look, I'm sorry about cursing Severus and everything, but you know that he wouldn't hesitate to do the same to me.

Lily, you're smart, but sometimes you can be amazingly thick-headed. In case I haven't reminded you enough, the reason I ask you out is because _I like you. _And deep down I believe you don't hate me either. In fact, I have to believe that, otherwise I'm going to lose my mind over you.

One truly hurt James.

PS: I can't really do anything about your pillow.


	3. Dobby's Diary

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything you recognise, everything is JKR's.

**Author's Note**: Thanks to the lovely reviewers! Now on with chapter three!

After Dobby is set free in Chamber of Secrets; no ship.

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Dobby's journal

Screenname: Iluvsocks

Hello journal sir,

Dobby is very excited. Yesterday the great Harry Potter set Dobby free from cruel master Malfoy. Now Dobby is able to do anything Dobby wishes! Dobby will be travelling to find a nice new master who will give Dobby paying and let him wear anything he likes! Now Dobby can get the socks he has always wanted! Dobby is very glad now sir, Dobby owes his life to Mr. Harry Potter. All the socks he wishes! Dobby must go, he has to start travelling tomorrow.

Dobby wishes you a happy life,

Dobby

(1 Comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Quidditchrulz07

Hi Dobby, it's me, Harry. Thankyou for er... helping me this year and I wish you good luck on your travels to find a new master and...sock collecting. Best wishes and Good luck!

With all due respect,

Harry


	4. Hermione's Diary

**Disclaimer:** Harry's brilliant universe in all its glory does not, alas, belong to me. Mad props to JKR.

**Author's Note**: Reviewers, you rock. I hope you're enjoying the story!

Set before exams in Order of the Phoenix; no ship.

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Hermione's Journal

Screenname: Free-the-house-elves!

I feel very guilty being here, exams are coming up and I have a ton of revision to do. Ron and Harry used my notes for History of Magic again. Honestly, if they don't start doing it themselves they're going to fail. I know it's hard for them to concentrate with all the things that have been happening this year, like Umbridge, Ron's dad, Occlumency and Cho, but that's no excuse for not doing any homework.

I've been knitting more hats and scarves for S.P.E.W (Ronald Weasley if you're reading it's S.P.E.W not SPEW as you like to call it) lately. I think I'm going pretty well, they're disappearing fast, it's good to know I'm making a difference to the poor overworked and underpaid creatures.

Anyway, I have to go for revision. If you're reading this, JOIN S.P.E.W.! HELP THE OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID HOUSE-ELVES OF HOGWARTS AND BRITAIN AS A WHOLE!

Bye!

Hermione

(1 comments/ Make a comment)

Screenname: WeasleynotWeasel

Honestly Hermione, do you know how hard it is to listen in that class? Not just because of all the things that have been going on lately, but because of the actual class. I wonder, when you die do you become 10 times more boring than you are when you're alive? It would explain a lot about Professor Binns.

Why don't you understand, Hermione! They don't _want_ to be set free. They're happy the way they are, and you need to leave them alone. SPEW is not helping them, just leave them be.

Your honest friend,

Ron


	5. Draco's Diary

**Disclaimer**: I'm sure by now you've realised that I am not, in fact, JKRowling. Unfortunately you would be correct, meaning that I do not own diddly squat. Geez, remind me of the harsh reality whydon'tcha...

**Author's Note**: Chapter five, wewt! This is now officially the longest fiction I've ever written. Which, when you think about the length of this, it's quite pathetic. Thanks to all the lovely reviewers, though, you guys keep me going!

Set after he is punched by Hermione in Prisoner of Azkaban; no ship.

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Draco's Diary

Screenname: Mudbloods-Will-Die

Mood: Absolutely Fuming!

I've completely had it with that stupid mudblood! Guess what that filthy excuse for a human being did today. She punched me! Just because I got that bloody chicken executed. I could have died! (coughcough) Wait till my father hears about this...

I wish my parents had sent me to Dumstrang. It would be nice, especially after living in this dump for so long. I can't believe they let that stupid oaf teach classes... and that nut Trelawney. Stupid old bat! The teachers Dumbledore employs are disgraceful, he's off his rocker he is...wait till my father hears...

It's a disgrace to the wizarding world allowing mudbloods like Granger to attend. I can't believe she's beating me in all her classes...jumped up mudblood...I better go torture some mud- I mean finish my homework.

So long suckers.

(2 Comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Goyle-is-um...

i dun get- i mean huahahaha. u go mayfoy...

Goyle

Screenname: Weasley-not-Weasel

Honestly Malfoy, you're full of it, you are! First of all stop calling people mudbloods. If anything, it's you that has dirty blood, not her! Secondly, Buckbeak is not a chicken, he's a Hippogriff. Can you say Hippogriff? I think Buckbeak was trying to help us get rid of you, but unfortunately you ran to Daddy as always. Believe me, we all wish you went to Dumstrang as well, we wouldn't have to deal with the likes of you and your pureblood arrogance.

Thirdly, Hagrid is NOT an oaf! If anyone's an oaf it's you and your father. I do, however, agree about Trelawney. She IS an old bat, but luckily we don't have you in our class as well, that would be unbearable. Fourthly, Dumbledore is the best Headmaster Hogwarts has ever had, I suppose you think _you _could do better? And you said exactly what I expected, 'Wait till my father hears'. Is that _all _can do? Go running to Daddy?

Finally, she's beating you in all of your classes because she's smarter than you. Reputation will get you nowhere, except maybe in potions.

Say hello to Daddy for me (snort).


	6. Ginny's Diary

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately the crazy idea is the only thing I own, the rest is trademarked to JKR.

**Author's Note**: A few people may perceive this chapter as Ginny-bashing, but I think it's just an exaggeration of pre-HBP Ginny, who I actually like. If you're one of the seven diehard Ginny fans (just joking), you may want to skip this chapter.

After DA lessons in the Order of the Phoenix; Harry/Ginny unrequited.

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Ginny's Diary

Screenname: Ginny4Harry4eva

Mood: Happy

Hi Diary,

I'm still wary of using this journal thing, you know, after the whole Tom-Riddle-used- his-diary-to-take-over-me-and-do-bad-things thing.

I went to a DA meeting today. Harry is the best teacher… we tried Patronouses and I almost got it perfected, but just when I was about to do it properly Harry walked past, so I lost concentration and it faded. I hope Umbridge doesn't find this, the DA is kind of... well, illegal, but don't worry, we won't get caught. Harry has it all planned out. We have this room called the Room of Requirement, and it can give you whatever you want. Except for me; all I want is Harry.

Wouldn't it be perfect? We could be the next... Ron and Hermione! Oh _why_ won't he be mine?

Bye, love Ginny.

(1 Comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: QuidditchRulz07

Um, Hi Ginny it's Harry, I just wanted to say that, well... Ginny you're a nice girl and everything but I just don't like you in _that_ way. I hope this doesn't affect our friendship, it means a lot to me. Our friendship, that is. Sorry again.

PS: You're doing well with Patronouses.

With all due respect,

Harry


	7. Filch's Diary

**Disclaimer**: (pouts) No, I don't own any Harry Potter related trademarks. If I did, this garbage would be canon, muaha!

**Author's Note**: Ahh, I do love the tormenting of Filch... I also like Sirius, so what better way to express this than to combine my two great loves into one chapter? Thanks to all the reviewers, you guys are awesome.

Set in the Marauder Era; no ship.

* * *

Filch's Diary

Screenname: Detention-man

Mood: Paranoid/Fuming mad

That's it, I'm sick of this school. Those marauders are driving me up the wall! I wish I could hang them by the thumbs in the dungeon, that'd teach them to mess around. You can never tell whether they're in front of you or behind you, until you're lying on the ground covered with Spellotape.

And PEEVES is worse! I've had to clean up after him six times today! That's right. He covered half the statues on the third floor with toilet paper, threw eggs on the roof in the Great Hall, and if that isn't enough, he covered poor Mrs. Norris in goop. I don't know what KIND of goop, just that it smells like a mixture of smelly sock, rotten eggs and dead fish... you don't want to know the rest.

The students all hate me, they're out to get me, I tell you! I heard them laughing their heads off when they locked me in that broom closet. That batty old Divination teacher Professor Cresswell heard me when she walked past, but all she did was tell me through the door that she had predicted that this would happen.

They're driving me up the bloody wall, they are. I had to ask Professor Binns where the key to the staffroom was the other day; instead of just telling me, I stood there for 5 minutes while he waffled on about the Egyptians and their wizardry. I fell asleep sitting on the lounge next to him, and woke up 2 hours later, COVERED in sticky marmalade and mayo, it took me 3 showers to get rid of the stench. I wish Dumbledore would sign those papers on whipping for me...I better go, I have floors to clean.

I'll be watching out for you, you miscreants!

(1 comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Siriusly-me

Haha, no one likes you, old Filchy has no comments. You had that Spellotape coming to you, the feathers were just an extra feature. Nobody can escape the wrath of the Marauders, no-one! We'll always be here, watching you, waiting to cover you in unnatural substances. Watch your back, for I am Padfoot the Great! By the way, do you like bees? I hope so. Muahahaha.

Ciao, have a good sleep tonight, if you dare.


	8. Sirius's Diary

**Disclaimer**: I have waited so long for this moment, the moment when... dun dun duuuh! I actually own something! My intellectual property, muahaha! Gasp! Yes, I own 'Soppy-girl', whose real name is Sopdet, which is the goddess of Sirius... are you getting the foreshadowing or am I being too subtle? By the way, aside from Sopdet I don't own squat.

**Author's Note**: I know most people really really hate OCs, but everyone deserves some love, right? If you think the OC is a Mary-Sue, take comfort in the fact that she most probably died in the first war... how tragic. On with the madness!

Set in the Marauder Era; Sirius/OC ship.

* * *

Sirius's Diary

Screename: Siriusly-me

Mood: Normal

Well, well, well, you are lucky enough to have stumbled across the livejournal of Sirius 'I'm so sexy' or 'Hottest-guy-on-the-planet' Black. Is anyone else on here being slowly driven insane by pop-ups? And spam? And chain emails? I am. Sometimes I just wanna throw the computer out the window, but I can't. How else would I keep up with all my dates? You'll never guess what happened today. Valerie Baker cancelled our date on Saturday night! Oh well, I guess this way I won't be late for Natasha, Natalie... whatever her name is. But it still leaves a gaping hole in my social calendar!

You know, I don't understand girls. I know it may sound strange coming from me, but it's true. Some girls want a real relationship, others only want to snog in a broom cupboard… sad but true. It may come as a surprise, but I, Sirius Black, may actually want to settle down one day and have a real relationship. Sigh...I better go, I'm late for my 'meeting' with Mariah. See you later!

(4 comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: EvansBmine

Sirius 'hottest-guy-on-the-planet' Black? (raises eyebrow) In your dreams, Padfoot, the most arrogant on the planet, maybe! Some advice on the ladies, men of fewer words are more impressive.

Translation: Don't talk continuously and be so neurotic, let her speak every so often. And if you really want to settle down, stop snogging with random girls in the broom closet. We've walked in on you 5 times in the past 2 days.

Good luck Padfoot,

Your Mate Prongs

Screenname: Remmy-boy

_You_ want to settle down? That's news to me, Padfoot. I agree with James, you need to stop snogging in the broom closet and let her speak for a while. Girls love to talk, and they love it when you listen, instead of just pretending to. Good luck with your 'meeting' (no doubt code for 'snogfest') with Mariah.

Screenname: Soppy-girl

Um, hi...it's Sopdet, I sit in front of you in Charms, remember? I was wondering... Remus told me you liked me, and I was thinking...I'm sick of guys that only want to snog in the broom cupboard, not that I do that all the time. So I was thinking, maybe would you like to go to Hogsmede with me next weekend? I mean, you don't _have_ to if you don't want to... but I'm blabbering, of course you don't. I better go before I say something stupid. Bye.

Screenname: Siriusly-me

I know I'm commenting on my own livejournal, but I have replies to give out:

Sopdet- I'D LOVE TO I'D LOVE TO I'D LOVE TO I'D LOVE TO! So I'll see you this weekend :)

Prongs and Moony- Thanks for your lovely comments! (sarcasm)

Okay, so I cancelled all my dates for this weekend, I'm going to focus all my thought and energy on not screwing things up with Soppy-girl. That'll work, right? I'll try to do what you guys said, thanks for the advice. By the way, Remus, that doesn't mean I'm not going to kill you for telling her I liked her.

Later,

The wonderful and siriuslyme


	9. Remus's Diary

**Disclaimer**: What's this? Holy crap, it must be the apocalypse because I now own _two_ characters! More intellectual property, woot. Aside from Sopdet 'Soppy-girl' and Sandra 'Sand-lover', I own nothing.

**Author's Note**: That's right, since no one absolutely despised Sopdet, I decided to introduce another OC. Meet 'Sand-lover', also known as Sandra (or maybe her name is just sand-lover because Remus has sandy hair... you decide), her polar opposite. Because Remus deserves love too, right?  

Set in the Marauder Era; Remus/OC ship.

* * *

Remus's Diary

Screenname: Remmy-Boy

Mood: Slightly depressed/bored

Wow, it's been a crazy week. I think Sirius has lost it. All he ever talks about is Sopdet and how wonderful she is. Not that I'm not happy for him, I guess it's good that he's decided to stick with one girl for a change, but he never shuts up! It's funny, because it seems like they're complete opposites. I wonder how long it'll last.

At the moment I feel a bit alone; Sirius has Sopdet, James finally convinced Lily to give him a chance and I think even Peter may have a secret girlfriend, he never seems to be in the common room any more. I mean usually he's hanging around like a bad smell… jokes, Wormy. Me? I have no-one. And I'm a werewolf, what chance have I got? I'll just scare off any girl that gets close to me. I'm lucky I have such accepting friends. Most people would have left me when they found out, even wanted me kicked out of school, but they decided to stick around. I don't know what I'd do without them. Lily's the same, she figured it out on her own, but decided not to tell anyone, to befriend me instead. She's just as good as they are. One day I hope I'll find someone who understands me like they do, but what if I don't? What if I remain alone forever? I better go before I make everyone else depressed...Bye.

(3 comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Sand-Lover

Aww, Remus, don't be like that! You're a great guy! If you really think it matters that you're a werewolf, then you're not as smart as I thought. It's what on the inside that counts, just because some people reject you doesn't mean everyone else will too! Half the people in our year think I'm shallow, but they don't know the real me, just like they don't know the real you, otherwise they'd see what a great and caring person you are. I'll always be here for you. I hope you'll realise that there's someone who understands you, and is closer than you think.

All my love,

Sand-lover.

Screenname: Potter-is-ok...

See Remus, you have more friends than you think. I bet you don't know who Sand- Lover is, do you? I think you'll find that she's one of the people you would least expect, and she's right. I mean, I didn't like her before, but if she's a good enough person to see the real you, then she's better than I thought. You're gonna kill me for not telling you who it is, aren't you? But you're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

Sincerely,

Lily Evans.

Screenname: Siriusly-me and EvansIsMine

Hello, it is us, Padfoot and Prongs. We know we've been absorbed in couple stuff lately, but it was not our intention to abandon you Moony. We're glad we've been good friends to you, because you're a good friend too. But you have to stop beating yourself up about things you can't control.

Oh, and by the way...we know who Sand-Lover is too (identical wicked grins). You seem to be the only one left out of the secret. (laughs from Sirius) Don't worry, you'll find her, even if we have to give you a push in the right direction... several pushes, because you wouldn't believe us if we told you anyway (laughs from Prongs).

Padfoot and Prongs signing off!


	10. Luna's Diary

**Disclaimer**: I own Sandra 'sand-lover' and Sopdet 'Soppy-girl', but everyone else belongs to the brilliant JKR.

**Author's Note**: I figured I'd retire from the OCs for a while and go back to our beloved canons; in this case, Luna, a favourite of mine. She's funky. Anyway, thanks so much to all the reviewers, have I mentioned you rock?

Set at the end of Order of the Phoenix; no ship.

* * *

Luna's diary

Screenname: Loony-Snorkack-lover

Mood: Happy/Excited

Hello Diary,

I'm packing my stuff for our trip! That's right, Dad's taking me to Austria to find some Crumple-horned Snorkacks! He says we might even get to see a Corrugated flibbergibit! They're almost as rare and amazing as the Crumple-horned Snorkacks! They usually live in places where there's rust or metal, because that's what they eat. They're small and wavy-looking and I bet they're cute! I can't wait!

I am slightly nervous though. We might not be able to find one because I blew up Pluto and that might mean that the Snorkacks have gone back into their underwater caves until the next red moon. I can only hope that this isn't the case. At least I'll have as many copies of _The Quibbler _to read, my favourite issue was the one about the Corrugated flibbergibit. Well, wish me luck!

Love,

Luna.

(1 comment/Post a comment)

Screenname: Quidditchrulz07

Hi Luna, it's Harry. I'd just like to thank you for what you did for me before. You snapped some sense back into me and I'm really sorry about your mother. I hope you have a good time on your trip and trying to find a...er...Snorkack...Best wishes and good luck!

With all due respect,

Harry.


End file.
